Hi, guys, Sergeant Neckbeard here. I thought I would start this new section because I am having trouble writing articles solely about trolling in video games. My fellow writers will continue to do just that; however my main experience has to do with other sorts of media, specifically television and film. I know the title of this article sounds harsh. It was meant to be that way. I despised World War Z, and not for stupid reasons like its PG-13 rating or because of alterations from the novel. No, I hated it for falling into stupid tropes, stupid character decisions, and quick edits. These problems stem mainly from the lazy editing of the director and the fact that it had a fuck ton of writers. Anyway, I know some may question a person who goes into a movie to find reasons to dislike it. I acknowledge that. I understand it. But when I hate something, I am passionate about it. Now to begin:
1. The kid-never-dies rule. I hate this. It made me guffaw to watch the little effeminate kid miraculously survive his parents' deaths then save the hero in the nick of time. This is a lazy movie trope, and it added absolutely nothing to the story except give way to over-sentimental scenes when Brad Pitt leaves his wife and kids. Fuck that. It shows nothing about BPitt's character except that he is perfect and of course doesn't want to leave. It's boring.
2. Foreshadowing that goes no where. It was rammed into us early on in the film that some people take longer to transform into zombies than others. Not only did this never come back up, it makes the sense of letting people onto those ships without quarantine first completely short-sided for an operation like that. Brad Pitt just had zombie blood in his mouth and no one cares to follow up on that? You're going to let him walk around those seaward halls like he owns the fucking place?
3. Choppy action scenes. I hate this. I can't tell what's going on. It looks cheap and hides all the work done by the artists who created those effects. Plus, I think it is, again, lazy. See the same director's Quantum of Solace. The movie is unwatchable because of its overuse.
4. The zombies are often unintentionally hilarious. You have the zee-doctor at the end chomping his fake teeth at Pitt's mug and making fucking Pterodactyl sounds. It's not scary, it's absurd. I would be okay with this if it was supposed to be a dark comedy, but World War Z takes itself so goddam seriously. The black woman in the cage was overacting, though she was scary. The thought of Pitt confronting her alone in that glass box was a bit nerve-wracking, but still, I couldn't get out of my head that that woman was an actor. It's a problem I have with the Walking Dead too, mainly because it's obvious some walkers have more make-up on than others.
5. The characters' actions make no goddam sense. How many times did this scenario go down: "sure B-pitt, we'll change everything we've been doing for the past few months after hearing you talk for 5 minutes to accomplish something you aren't even sure about and will probably end up killing us all." The stationed military men acting reckless to get BPitt to Israel for reasons not very well explained enough to get the audience or the stiffs to care. BPitt getting the airplane crew to change course for a mission that wasn't made very clear... again. BPitt convincing the lab technicians to venture into B wing without anyone really raising a fuss even though it could very well kill them all. The funniest one to me though was when all the techs left the zombies in the hallway so they could watch Pitt on the TV. It's been well established at this point that the zekes can break through things if they gang up on it. What THE fUCK.
6. Brad Pitt injecting himself with dangerous bacteria at the end---no.
7. Not to complain too much about the book, but I did miss its sense of world building. Brooks focused heavily on how societies developed after the invasion. WWZ was made into an action movie, which I am fine with, but I feel like it did take away from some of the nifty world building the book had. In fact, I feel like it was the books best aspect: how would the zombie apocalypse actually play out realistically?
8. Cinematic choices that again made the characters unbelievable. For example see Brad Pitt risking everything at the end in the hallway by letting the zekes run past him. I thought this guy's main goal was to get back to his family. Why would he fucking risk a stray scrape or bite from one of those fuckers? I know why: it looked cool. It makes me feel used.
9. UN Propaganda. There was the typical carbon dioxide shit at the end beginning of the film as well as the UN being more powerful than most nation states. I feel like the infrastructure is not in place for this to happen, and that any setup like this would most definitely be controlled by the US. You could argue that it was in the film, but I still felt like it showed a world that does not quite yet exist and pushes the audience to accept it. It is a vehicle for Brad Pitt's political views.
There's my reasons. If you disagree, comment below. What did you think of World War Z? Am I entirely off base? Do you hate me and think I have a small penis?
Neckbeard, OUT!
